What Will You Do When You Have Too Much in Mind?

I have held myself several times not to blog about this, but hell, I cannot do this any longer. To whoever out there, please bear with me.

Yes, I've got too much stuff in mind. And yes, I am single now. Yes, it is weird being single again. No, I don't want to have any relationship yet at the moment. That's why I want to write my blog, type whatever.

So, I got separated with my ex-bf just recently. It was my choice. I chose to leave him. Yes, it's been wandering in my mind for a very long time and I finally made a decision. It was hard, it was really really hard. I personally don't want to hurt anyone as I believe in karma. But, I don't want to torture myself any longer either as I know if I hold on to this, it will hurt both of us. And if we are separated in the future, it will be even harder, a lot harder. So I did it with the courage from the people around me and after a long session of contemplating.

Yes, I've got a lot in mind. I still have my internship programme to be finished and the uni report follows. Yes, I am so worried as my ex was the one always be by my side through my hardships and happiness. It's not that I don't want to leave him cause I need him for helping me do my assignment, that's just evil and very selfish. I am afraid to go on by myself again after being with him for 1,5 years. I know there are others who experience harder things in life. And I know that this is just the beginning of it. 

No, it's not because someone else. As I said before, I am still afraid of another relationship. I am being very cautious. He asked me about this, but the answer is no. It is purely my decision and my choice to be set free. Yes, I want my freedom.

I am a chicken. I am afraid to move forward as I don't want to get hurt but at the same time I still want to experience the world. As I told my ex, the world is too big to be missed. Was I right though? Did I say that because I was highly emotional? Did I really mean it? The answer is I don't know. I will let it be a mystery to be solved in time. 

The only thing that I know at the moment is I have to be prepared for the worst. Yes I am currently happy with my choice, but I cannot predict the future. Hey, it is my choice, let's face it. Whatever comes as the consequences, I have to be prepared, I have to face it, so what?

I don't want to be a chicken, I don't want to be a weak me. I have to be stronger, I have to learn from this very very carefully.

My worries? Hello, everyone has worries, face them, work harder as I will.

Geez, what did I just say? I don't know.

The thing that I know is, this is my choice, my journey. Sweet and bitter memories have shaped who I am as a person. I wanna fly like a bird. I am free.

I.