Guilt or...

Is it normal to like someone else when you are in a relationship? Or is it a clue that something is wrong with your relationship? I am honestly having a dilemma. 

I admit it, I like someone, not necessarily that I want to go on a date with him or something. And yes, I have discussed this with my bf, strangely enough. My mind was not in the right spot today at work. I still did my job, just slower. I got these weird dreams of the guy that I like (X) the night before. In my dreams, we went out on a date and he treated me very nicely and he kept smiling at me with his cute face and blue eyes. I know it sound ridiculous but whatever, it was nice. Anyway, go back to the story.

So, I told my bf that I like a guy last weekend. I felt so guilty and I felt like I am the meanest person in the world to have told him that. But surprisingly he was ok with it as long as I don't do any contact with that guy in any ways, which I won't since I don't really see that guy recently.

My relationship itself has been in the deepest down. It was horrible and I just wanted to get out of it but we managed to save it in one way or another. I survived.

I told my friend about this earlier today at work (after work, I mean). I told him what kind of guy I like and my girly fantasy whatever. And his piece of advice was to do whatever I feel is right and just enjoy my life. He said I am too young to even worry about this too much. It's not like I'm gonna get married tomorrow or something. Opportunities are still out there, which is true. I gotta enjoy my life #YOLO. 

Well, It is I. I was not satisfied enough. So I called my mum and asked her for advice. She said that is normal especially cause I am still trying to collect the pieces of my life and trying to rearrange it, relationship wise. Anything we discussed was good, and this, she said: you can break up if the reason makes sense, not because one is cheating, that's a big NO NO, which is fair enough. I won't do something that I don't want someone to do it to me. I was alright after that.

I lived my life normally. I even did some work on my assignment until almost midnight once I thought I'm finished with the assignment stuff for the night. Then I got struck by the guilty feeling once again. Yes, as my friend said, I think too much! I feel stupid man. Like, so insecure or whatever you can call it. I don't like this feeling. I don't wanna be an immature early teenager whatsoever. I'm over it. But these funny thoughts just came up once again. I don't worry about anything but my sleep. I've been lacking of sleep for couple of days now. It is not good. Nothing really bothers me but my sleep man. That's why I decided to write everything down here. I just have no idea of what I need to do with my life. I'll try to enjoy, to be happy and pretend that nothing has happened. I am dumb for this shit, like seriously.


I.