What is Hard for Me

Hi all,

I'm writing this during my last 18 minutes waiting time before boarding, heading back to Kiwiland (if the time stated on the boarding pass is on time). I just got an inspiration to write this blog today, 2 days ago. I don't know if it would be useful for you, but it is a realisation for me. So ya, I will begin the story.

2 days ago I was feeling so sad of leaving my house for I don't know how many times. Every time I was about to leave the house to head back to NZ, I found it really hard to go. My heart always feel like I don't wanna go. I just want to stay here, at home, my comfort zone.

Many people say that if you are brave to fight your own feeling to get out of your comfort zone, you are the real adventurer. At first I thought that leaving my comfort zone is the toughest thing to do. Well, at first, yes. It was real hard, but there was this really high level of excitement that wiped away my fear and anxiousness. So, I wasn't as afraid or worried.

After 2,5 years staying overseas by myself, I found the truly hard thing, TO STAY, TO PROVE, TO SURVIVE. 

To stay overseas by myself without knowing anybody is hard, but it was temporary. After a while, I met a group of friends, nice families, colleagues, church buddies and others. As the time goes, this feeling of hardship faded away little by little. 

To prove that I can do what I want and I am responsible with my choice is hard. Is that easy to prove that you can study at uni without taking any college or foundation overseas beforehand with pretty bad english? No, it was shit. It was really hard. However, after you met some friends and lecturers who are willing to help you, it is possible. I will repeat, IT IS POSSIBLE. I am with pretty bad english, knowing almost nothing about what my lecturer said for the first time could prove it to my family that I am responsible with my choice and I can get good marks, for them as a proof. 

To survive is the hardest thing that I experience right now. Here I am, all the way from Indonesia to Kiwiland by myself. I have to survive alone with the help from the people around me. At first, having a student visa will guarantee your life like a whole lot. You don't need to worry about what to do, you have uni. Every time you return there you know what to look forward into, school, study. You know where to go when you need help, visa. Your student centre. Your life is easy when you are guaranteed with a student visa.

What's afterwards? Work or go back? Stay or leave? Those are the next questions that I need to ask myself. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AFTER. Yes I will do my best to get a job for sure, I will try my best to stay and earn some work experience at the place where I have been studying. Yes for sure. But what if my work visa is declined? What if I don't get any job? Do I need to marry someone there to be able to stay? Here comes networking. If I just have uni friends with the same questions, it is hard to know. With the condition of 'pretty hard to get a job', I am paralysed. Am I worried? Yes! I love Kiwiland. I want to stay here. I want to be able to share my knowledge, which I gained in uni to my workplace. I want to work to improve the tourism industry in the country for sure. I also want to share my knowledge with the people back home. I love tourism, I love Kiwiland, I love my country. I know there are better opportunities in terms of career in Kiwiland. I, as a human being, am worried about my future. The life after school is uncertain. I really hope that I can get what I want with my hard work and hard will.

It is hard to life in an uncertain situation for sure. But I gotta remember my first motivation to go there and study. I have to remind myself about the purpose of all these. At the end of the day, I have TO SURVIVE. No matter how hard it is, I have to do it. I have to be responsible with my choice. Life never gets any easier. I HAVE TO DO THIS!

I.

A Life Lesson

Today, I was doing a routine trip: the banks. The first thing that was annoying today was the fact that I slept real late the night before and I needed to get up early. I was sleepy as. But anyway, I went to the bank with my mum and my brother as usual.

After the bank, mum and I were planning to go to the hairdresser to get me a haircut. In the middle of our trip,  mum got a call from a friend to pick up some food. Yup, we went there and picked up the food. After that, mum was a bit worried that the food might get spoilt. So, we decided to go home to drop the food off then we'll go to the hairdresser. At that time, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable about our plan to go to the hairdresser (I was partially lazy too). Then, I asked mum to call them. And, ta da, the hairdresser wasn't home that time. She went out of town and would come back in the evening when we don't really have time. So, we changed our plan to go there tomorrow. At the end, we just stayed at home (lucky I was initiative enough to make mum call them up).

At home,

I was a bit bored (actually I have some uni work to do, but I was lazy to open up some documents, so I left it a bit till the evening. At least that's what I thought). Anyway, mum was busy preparing some lunch for us, but I ended up not eating any except a red bean bread (my appetite went down currently). Then, it came the time when only mum and I in the room. At first, we both were very quiet. I hate being quiet (I can't stay still when I'm in Indonesia). My mind was swirling a bit for a while. I told mum to tell me some stories, but we both ran out of stories.

Suddenly, a question came up on my mind. I asked my mum this, "mum, I think I'm lonely in New Zealand. You can say, I'm sort of like friend-less. I feel I'm different to most of my friends at my age. I can't really follow their lifestyle, their topics of conversation and their thoughts. I feel like an alien sometimes. Is it a normal thing or is there something wrong with me? I feel I'm a good friend to some of my lecturers and older people. Why is it?"

My mum said, "there is nothing wrong with it. You are different, accept it, be grateful. If you are the same with the others, which aspect of you that stands out? I understand what you feel cause I feel the same. Have you ever seen me hanging out with many friends? No. Some people are just different. That's a talent that you have to be grateful about. Don't you worry. I know you like quiet life most of the time there. I know you like studying and I know you hate loud music. It doesn't mean that you are weird or a nerd. It's people's preference to live life dear. If you enjoy what you are doing, that's fine. As long as everything is balance. You study when you need to, I know you are not a bookworm or antisocial. You still go out there, making interaction with others. That's good. What not good is if you are antisocial and have no interaction with the world. You are normal, you just have different way of thinking and you belong to a different group of people. It's ok my dear :). Are you feeling better now?"

Then I felt like I got a sudden realisation that I'm still normal hahaha. Mum is right, I should live life the way I want as long as I'm happy and not antisocial. I still have friends around my age and I can get along with them fine, just different preferences at some respect. It doesn't mean that I can't hang with them. Doesn't mean that I'm an alien either. Man, I was released. I'm so glad. Being a nerd is not always a bad thing (at least not like the ugly cartoony image).

We then continued talking about following a principal of life, finding the purpose of life, how I already have a target in life for the future, etc. At the end of the day, it was a good conversation. So, the lesson of the day is that people are born to be different. So, don't be afraid to be different, be proud instead!

Have a good day people!

(I'll sleep..getting a haircut tomorrow :p)

I.

Indonesia: The Return

Hi all,

it's my summer holiday in Indonesia. This is my last week of enjoying the heat plus the cheap and yummy Indonesian food. I've been missing my hometown so badly since 4 months back. Yeah, it's very normal for me who have been living in this country for 17 years till I finally decided to go overseas by myself. And I will be missing this country for I don't know how many more months after this.

Anyway, this is my shortest yet the most memorable return to Indonesia. I went back this year specifically for my brother's wedding (obviously with some trips around). I think I really got the most of it cause my bf came for a visit as well. Of course, we took him around and showed him how Indonesia looks like (only some parts were visited). He absolutely loved it. We went around and flew everywhere. Man, the journey was so tiring. I think I flew a lot in these 2 months. Anyway, I will do a little analysis of some of my trips with some pictures (for the first time). So, please bear with me.

As I travelled around, I discovered some reasons why a region is different to other regions. I compared mainly Mataram (Lombok) to Bali. Lombok is a more quiet island compared to Bali. I found more international tourists compared to domestic. I think most westerners who came to Lombok really love the tranquility and the pristine condition of the island and the beaches surround it. I don't blame them. I do like going away from crowds and busy lifestyle I have back in Surabaya. I absolutely loved the white sandy beaches which still looked so pure and almost untouched. I could see the clear water and the corals. That was so beautiful. Too bad I wasn't in the mood of doing any water activities. In contrast, Bali is more for busy lifestyle and shoppers paradise (at least for me). I could find almost everything there. The beaches weren't as clean and clear yet they are still pretty. For me, Bali is way overdeveloped that you'll see hotel after hotel on one strip of the road.

The negative side of Lombok is that the locals are not as friendly and welcoming the tourists. They tend to push away tourists. I've heard from some people who work there (including the tour driver) that the locals are not as ambitious to grow and to earn more money from tourism (I think they haven't seen a big advantage of tourism in their area). However, for some locals who knew the financial benefit of tourism tend to sell souvenirs to tourists to a certain level that will annoy the tourists themselves. The positive sides I guess are the scenery (my driver said that the beaches there have better view compared to the ones in Bali) and the tranquility for tourists who don't like much noise. However, don't get it wrong. If you wanna experience the central of crowd and some party time, you should go to Gili Trawangan. It's sort of like the 'Western' side of Lombok.

The pure beach of Gili Trawangan Island, Lombok.

Gili Trawangan Island, the 'Western' side of Lombok.

PS. My driver gave a little joke about Lombok that the destiny of Lombok is highly dependent on Bali (Propinsi NTB: Nusa Tenggara Barat Province / Nasib Tergantung Bali). When the Bali bombings occurred, there was absolutely no tourism happening in Lombok.

In comparison, Bali is more alive. Locals are very friendly and welcoming. For those people who love shopping in the different side of Indonesia then you should go to Bali. Traffic jam is everywhere when it comes to peak time of the holiday. Otherwise, it'll be a bit more quiet. Don't worry of getting some food or finding a place to hang out, Bali never dies. However, you have to bear with the price. It's considered as expensive (at least for us, domestic tourists), because most tourist attractions there are highly commercialised. You will also need to bear with the rubbish around the beaches, mainly in Kuta. You won't really see clear water in popular beaches, so you have to be ready to see it. It's not that bad after all. It's just not as clear as it used to be. By the way, I will give some recommendations of where to go if you happen to visit Bali.

Pandora Beach. It was my second time visiting that beach. It was hot as hell!

Water Blow, Nusa Dua - Bali. I just discovered it as my aunty told me that time. I tried to google maps it but I found nothing. If you wanna visit it, just go to Grand Hyatt Hotel Bali. It was like, 'right there'. Very cool to check out. Just be careful, cause the wind was pretty strong aaannnd..hot as well.

At the end of the day, it's all about personal preference and lifestyle. All of what I said was relied on my personal opinion. Experiences will differ from people to people. I hope you like my thoughts. If you happen to visit Indonesia at some point, I definitely recommend you guys to visit these 2 islands. You'll experience something that you've never expected before.

By the way, the chocolate massage that I had in Bali was very nice! You can comment below if you are curious where I had it. Enjoy! :)

I.