We Are Never Right in Society

Nowadays, there are many quotes about what's wrong and what's right in life, especially quotes about what we do, which society think it's bad. Time after time, quotes after quotes I have read, I think they are true, that's what I feel when I am dealing with society.

What I think it's legal, other people may think that it's illegal. I spent plenty of time to figure this out, listening to them and start thinking. This makes me crazy though. When I think I should be good enough and I have tried to be what society wants, some other people think I am not original. Well, that's true. As long as I try to be like the society, I will not be able to be myself, to show who I really am. It's more likely an imitation, plagiarism. While many famous people encourage others by showing themselves. This makes me think twice, even three times, ah several times.

I am confused, crazy. I think I can't handle it anymore. When I finally arrived in New Zealand, I then see how Kiwi people live. I see that they don't take what society says into account, which is somehow good. This will not make you confused, instead you can live your life more easily; you can enjoy and appreciate more about your life. You do whatever you wanna do, wear whatever you wanna wear, anything. That's the answer, haha. One of my friends reminded me about not forgetting to live my life and being free as well. "I am who I am", that's how I conclude my life should be.

But still, it's not the end of the story, not just yet. This shows me no challenge in life. Now things get more complicated, even worse. OMG!! A human-being will never be satisfied of just one answer. Well, I am thinking, again and again. So, what should I do now? I don't wanna follow the society, not that much of imitation, I wanna be myself. However, there is no actual free will, free will is an illusion (B.F. Skinner). What we do is still regulated by society anyway. This has been enhanced by what my lecturer once said, how much free will do you have in your life? I think there is not much, even none, cause what you do and what you wear are still regulated, not only by society but also weather and other aspects, don't they? Once again it's true.

Here is where the pros and contras work. Life is nothing without pros and contras. There will always be negative and positive, pros and contras, agree and disagree. Life must be balanced, where there is positive, there will always be negative. If life is about positive, there will be no challenge, life will be monotone and boring. If there is only negative, there will be no peace, no care, nothing except war and fear. That's why we live side by side, cause nothing is perfect, we need other to be perfect, we need critiques to be better. Life must be challenging and colourful though.

Huaahhh..too much to say..I'm overwhelmed by ideas yet don't know how to say more..

Well, I don't wanna confuse myself even deeper. I will try to be as original as I can, and live freely. I will not care too much about how much free will I have as long as I can still feel what freedom is; as long as I can be creative as myself. Don't bother what society says as long as what I do is not against the norm, the regulation. By the way, people are free to have ideas and opinions; they are free to critique others, as we are.

From my perspective, no matter what happens, just be yourself. Live freely and easily yet under control. My conclusion is, while we are never right in society, nobody out there is ever be either smart enough or perfect enough to evaluate or to judge the world.

I.

Sharing One of My Favourite Song

In relation to my former post, suddenly I missed listening to a particular song by Michael Bublè: Always On My Mind. I remember the first time I heard that song, around 2 years ago. What I like about this song is the melody, at first. However, as I knew the lyric, I started adoring this song because it has deep meaning and it's a really touching song. 

I can learn that bad communication and misunderstanding others can turn into a fatal outcome. When it comes to an end, regret is the answer. Nothing we can do except regretting. It becomes useless and meaningless. Sadness will overcome our mind. Our souls will be painful. That will make use become lack of focus, lack of confidence; everyday is a bad day. We won't have spirit in life, and what we'll do is trying to survive from that 'dark time'. Regret is the worst feeling in life.

To give an idea about what I'm talking about, I will put up the lyric below. Read and sense it, people's perception about this song may vary. Here is the lyric:

Always On My Mind - Michael Bublè

Maybe I didn't treat you

Quite as good as I should have

Maybe I didn't love you

Quite as often as I could have

Little things I should have said & done

I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you

All those lonely, lonely times

And I guess I never told you

I'm so happy that you're mine

If I made you feel second best

Girl, I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your

Sweet love hasn't died

Give me, give me one more chance

To keep you satisfied

Satisfied

Little things I should have said & done

I just never took the time

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

(copyright: www.lyricstime.com)

What I want to say is:

- Dear boys, if you really love your girls, never make them feel being your second love. Instead, make them become your priority and value your love. Remember that she is a human-being, she has such a sensitive feeling. Never hurt them, but take care of them.

- Dear girls, if you love your boys, never judge them instantly. Understanding is better than being mad in a sudden without any reason. Speak up your mind if you feel uncomfortable with your relationships. Perhaps your boys don't know what to do to make you happy or maybe they don't know how valuable you are yet. Make them realise that you both really love each other.

Overall, life is choice. Be really careful in making an option. Don't wait until you regret something. Creating good 2-ways communication is best for a relationship. Second chance is an illusion. It will be very hard to get a second chance once you broke the first chance. It may be given to you somehow, but the faith will never be 100% pure as the first. Never hurt each other, love is just too precious to be ruined. Be faithful, be a caring person!

I.

You're Still on My Mind

It's been a long time since I last met you, I didn't even think about you anymore, because I have decided not to think of you (just in a sense of friendship anyway).  I spent pretty much of my time for studying, doing assignments and finding fun stuff. I'm pretty happy with that. My life seems okay and nice. My life has been back to its normal pace.

I guessed that I already forgot about my feeling. In fact, it's not that simple. I don't know why, he appeared in my dream last night. Appeared in the last stage of REM sleep (the stage where dreams are best remembered, Weiten has said, lol). It was like I finally saw him after a long period of time and we became really close to each other. We were doing silly things and that was so much fun happened. Too fun to just wake up afterwards.

Then I sat and mused for a while, what was that about. Later I realised, probably Freud's theory about dreams as wish fulfillment is true. I don't really understand what I really want. It's probably just my unconscious wish (i.e. my Id) that's not yet accomplished. I admit myself that I still have that kind of 'feeling' on him, but I decided not to bear it in mind since I believe that it is distracting and will only drive me crazy. Craving for something that's almost impossible to reach (I believe in what my mom said, though).

Well, at least now I know that you're still on my mind. In my deepest memory, unconscious. Whatever it takes, luckily it didn't bother my life. I'm still okay. Fortunately, it didn't make me miss him..haha. How lucky!

I.

Listen to What Mom Says~

Like mother like daughter, that's how I describe my relationship with my mom.

I am the youngest daughter in my family and I feel like I am the closest one to my mom, especially after I decided to study in Auckland.

Some people said that a daughter should be really close to her father, but it doesn't happen to me.

I started to become very close to my mom (in the matter of discussion and sharing) since I was in junior high school age.

I shared my first story about the one I was interested in (a boy). I talked a lot to my mom, asking her advices and trusting what she said. However, it didn't come easy to directly believing my mom's words. Sometimes I just kinda listening her without trying to understand it, and worse ignoring it.

After the matter of time, as I grew up till about in senior high school age, I feel improved in terms of knowledge about life and absolutely formal education (school formal lessons). By then, I talked to my mom more intensely. I didn't only share my love-story, but also about my life in surrounding. Then my mom told me that she was really enjoying our time together and she liked my personality of becoming a good listener and hopefully a good actor of what she has said.

Until it came to the time I decided to leave her to get my higher education. That time I was tested by several kinds of problems regarding my preparation of taking off to NZ. From the difficulties of gaining good marks for the school-requirements, my visa issue and else. It was a really hard time for me. But, what I do, was praying and listening to what my mom said: "if God wants you to go, you will go no matter what difficulties may arise". That quote has been my role model of life until now. Indeed, I arrived safely in Auckland and doing my degree now.

Well, that's not the end of the story, not just yet. I was having a crush with a guy here, recently. I talked to my mom, firstly, just about our friendship, but she kinda knew what's gonna happen next. I didn't even tell her about my feeling yet, but she told me about knowing 'the signal'. She told me to be careful of having a special feeling for this guy, since he's not yet considering having a girlfriend.

I tried to trust my mom, even my heart felt differently. Then I just wanted to prove what my mom has said. Well, it has been proven. How great is God. He gave me such a special-talented mom. 

In turn, sometimes I can understand what my mom's feeling from the way she texted me. Yeah, I can read her words if she wanted to seriously speak about something. I feel really grateful for having such a talent in interpreting someone else's feeling, especially my mom.

What I like about my mom is, she is really a caring person, faithful and trustworthy. She often gives me freedom in deciding what I'm gonna do with my life yet she's still giving advice about the probabilities of how the outcomes will be if I chose a particular choice in life; also asking my responsibility of taking those risks. So, freedom for my mom is not just giving chances for doing whatever I like, but being free in a responsible way. Her knowledge about life is just amazing. Her love is unquestionable. She's my role model, whatever she is, I just love her too much.

I know that nobody's perfect, but at least my mom is better than me in some ways.

Whatever her advice is, I will trust it if I believe that it's true. Even it's not always empirically true, but it is somehow reasonably right. She is my best pal, my lecturer, my super wise woman, my hero, and overall My MOM!! <3

Thanks mom, I love you :)

Super love,

Your daughter.

I.